The Lamb Men

The house was lead by an imposing triumvirate, comprising of Dr Hobson, Matron Ingram and GNC. They were ever present, yet wonderfully absent at those crucial times, such as 7-8 on a Saturday. Dr Hobson kept order in the house, and was always there to give us a kick up the arse when we most needed it. Whilst matron ensured that the infirmary didn't just fob George off with a paracetamol and orange juice. Despite all the good times he brought to the house we will never overcome the disappointment at learning that Mr. C's middle name was Nicholas and not Necrophiliac (like Bobs was).

Noah and Ben left us in a cloud of smoke, for grasses greener, and unfortunately we were unable to keep the fire puffing at the rate they would have liked (we were no Gavin Finch - except when being asked for our names by a teacher who hadn't had the pleasure of meeting us). Next to go was Bobby, who jacked a Granny (GIVE ME YOUR BAG!!!!!!!!!), followed by Anthony who'd steal anything from anyone, even stealing the stars from the skies to put them in his new son's eyes. Congratulations on being the first to start the new generation of Lamb men. Then went Willy who was so baffed he couldn't steal a thing, Willy also seemed bemused about not being able to sleep one night having drunk 9 cups of coffee.

To replace our five insalubrious comrades we were given four mincers. (Kester can justifiably feel hard done by, being grouped in with these people). [text removed for legal reasons] unfortunately we were too late ousting Gareth Ayman from the closet to send him the same way. (Although he did try himself once because of Jo Grant's rage, or was it with Keith that lonesome Friday evening. "Have you ever had another boy do it for you? It feels really nice"). Dario's head was a haven for local wildlife, while the asexual Kester took his perm to Shelley's Wood with regularity, possibly to avoid Justin's advances.

This leaves us to talk about the soldiers including Murphy, despite his sabbatical. We are a select, hardened band who endured a full life sentence of dodgy heating, no hot water and out-dated electrical systems. Bruce endured even worse.

• Nick Rumball's perforating slap
• Gill's headbut
• Noodle's egging
• The graves dance (that dressing gown!)
• The hunts and gladiatorials
• George's motorbike punch
• And Ed's "granny"
  

SOME QUOTES FROM THE LAMB MAN:

• "I'll put you to sleep" Justin
• "I'm not the pope" Justin
• "Come we bung a zut" Noah
• "You don't understand these are gold nuggets" Stephen
• "When I was younger I wanted to be an air hostess" George
• "Hindly and the Bulger killers should be set free…she didn't do anything I wouldn't have done" H.
• "William Gates? Isn't it Bill Gates?" Bruce (to be said with lisp).
• "I chipped it and Hector got real excited" Josh.
• "Remember Ed, I'm sure the big man". Justin
• "Have you ever had a boy do it for you?!" Laurence

Special Mentions:

• Keith, a true Lamb man, who did fuck all and got sprung doing it.
• Machiavelli, for producing The Prince, an invaluable guide to life.
• The Deps' and Grecians' room, a political hotbed and the haven of the "Lamb men". Where we spent 'the good old days'.
• Stephen Walsh, for confirming in us the knowledge that we have chosen the righteous path. Stay sure in the knowledge that you couldn't beat us and you break us. Long live the Ingel and Avril.
• All those who came before us and shared the house with us, we embrace the best and worst of you.
• Sue and Pam, house cleaners/pets who endured what only the Lamb Lady could take.
• Mrs. Owen, who prophesised Noodles and Alice getting jiggy.
• Mr. Chandler again, for letting us stay up late to see Kate Winslett naked in Jude, and for always watching Eurotrash on the sly.
• The Dep's and Grecian's room sofa, making us immune to all known viruses and producing the worm.
• Charles Lamb, the original and best.

We would now like to take a moment to define the "Lamb man". He is not adverse to top shelf publications, (stay calm Ed and Justin). He holds radical political views (the Wasp) and feels no need to appease the liberal (Justin). He likes his football (just about everyone, especially the house Maradona George). The "Lamb man" however, is his slacker's mentality (Noodles). Manifested in his ability to underachieve, ultimately doing nothing but coming away with just enough. He looks down disdainfully upon the members (who wouldn't know fun if it poured a half of vodka down their throat) and those who work too hard for too little reward.
"I have had playmates, I have had companions. In my days of childhood, in my joyful school days - all, all are gone the old familiar faces".

Charles Lamb 1775 - 1834
The Original "LAMB MAN"