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In 1997, twelve scholars were incarcerated in the C.H. madhouse for a crime they didn't commit. Refusing to be brainwashed by the cabbage master, they formulated a plan of action to battle this evil authority. The war commenced with the cry of 'unum concentum' and the men, eyes red and mouths dry, charged forward for neighbours on the battleground of the dayroom.
During the first year of conflict brief pauses witnessed an angel passing over the building whilst Ed arrived with the oranges. However, all was not well in the ranks. A sub-battle of spite had erupted; crumbs appeared on peoples' beds. This was dealt with in different ways: Judge Liam inflicted 3 punches or a wet bed whilst another prisoner secreted a wall of bodily fluids round his bed, others just smelt too bad to approach.
With the arrival of the world cup a new breed emerged - the dayroom hooligan. These men were feared by all and the Deputy Head was called in to chants of "He's here he's there we're not allowed to swear… Its Sol Campbell", but even she couldn't stop 5 minutes of madness after that Michael Owen goal.
The second year of the battle brought casualties R.I.P. Bill the Bread, Chris already wounded from anti-drugs campaigners turned his attention to the innocent damsels caught up in the struggles. This was a considerably bad year for the lads, 2 comrades fell and will be sorely missed whilst one more was taken prisoner in Peele A. However, the battle raged on and the team took joy in the Sony technology of Wugga, retreating to his gran's house at weekends to regroup and re-supply.
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The end of GCSE's marked a turnabout in the war, by now everyone took refuge in a room of some sort and the 11 O'clock show allowed Andrew to practice his impersonation technique. In the mean time Sandy blew his conch. The 3rd year brought triumph as reinforcements from New Zealand and England arrived to help liberate the copse and the senior rugby cup ties trophy. Throughout the year sickness levels being recorded across the world went off the scale. Lowell became even keener, Panda got hitched to Alice, and Liam… (well we all know what happened to him). Trig found a girlfriend and Quiney and Chris begun their attempt to break into the music scene with their delightful MC'ing (you know you love it!) However there were still bumps in the night.
Sick man awards go to:
- Liam for never changing his bed
- Trig for his tinned corn beef
- Chris for his choice of women
- Quiney for pursuing little girls
- Nick for his feet aroma
- Ed for his breath
Therefore I conclude: If you're in trouble with a housemaster you can't break down, when no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you should hire the Thorn A-Team.
Memorable Quotes
1. Don't run, don't hide.
2. Have you ever w****d so hard that it bled?
3. Sorry just doesn't cut the mustard.
4. Don't argue the toss with me!
5. Do ya wanna poppy?
6. Take it on the chin.
7. Yeh? No? Weeeeeeeell, Yeh.
8. I'm a soldier.
9. John Travolta and his Disco Dancing Days.
10. Hello, my little sausage-man. |
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Thorn A Traditions
1. Skim Bundles.
2. Post-Neighbours Bundles.
3. Vascular Bundles.
4. Laudate Dominum.
5. Rally of Domination.
6. The Circle of Row.
7. The Silent Ricky.
8. The Silent Muffle.
9. Behind the Wardrobe Meetings.
10. Sky dumping. |
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Top 11 Rickies (in no particular order)
A. Closed due to lack of income.
C. Can I have a window seat?
3. Dunlop Motorbikes.
4. Epidermis of cool.
5. Black as a cue-ball.
6. An Angel Has Just Passed Over The Building.
7. Shhhhh, Sh, Shhhhh, Sh……………SHEARER!
8. He's bald, he's bold, his name is Stevie Bould.
9. He's black, he doesn't slack, his name is Patterrakk (?), Vieira.
10. Oooooooo……………TRIANGULAR? (no please don't rick me….please!) |
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Top 10 Whities (in no particular order)
1. Gera-boo yopping in front of the HM in the middle of the Quad.
2. Quiney unleashing the beast (we told him not to mix).
3. Panda pouring rancid milk on his vomit and stinking out the dorm for 2 weeks.
4. Lebon trying to pull his brain out through a small hole in the back of his head.
5. Sandy falling onto a table of girls in the pub and then getting barred.
6. Flea redecorating the dayroom.
7. Trig sleeping through the millennium celebrations.
8. Bosh shampooing his carpet in vain.
9. Fart-pants and his regurgitated polo mints.
10. Kiwi telling Marlow to F**K off. |
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