It seems like only yesterday that the lines "Middleton B, the place to be" were echoing through the cloisters of Christ's Hospital. But where are they now? What really happened to our year group - a group of children whose moral values were learnt from 'Neighbours'? Let us look at the lives of some of the most diverse, talented and unique people who ever lived:

Jonny Sheppard Burgess
Unfortunately during his post-CH visit to Australia. Jonny became so hideously sunburnt that his skin was transformed into the same colour as his hair. In a strange twist-of-fate, Jonny was worshipped by an aboriginal tribe who interpreted him as their Sun God. He is now only known as "the golden child" and is a legend among the people.

Ben Smithson
After famously losing the BBC sports personality of the year to the guy who won 'Robot Wars', Ben devoted his life to his restaurant, the "love shack", in memory of the infamous Gavin Salvage. The restaurant provides a light atmosphere in which customers may enjoy a first class foot massage, while relaxing to the sounds of panpipe moods. The only bad thing that is said about the restaurant is the portions of drinks - do they really expect people to get drunk over half a quarter of Vodka?

Gavin Salvage
His promising football career for Spurs was cut short when, on the way to the training ground, he was distracted by a large piece of cheese in the car park. Unfortunately he didn't see the associated mousetrap and his neck was broken instantly. He has never fully recovered and now can only nibble at his food and crawl around on the floor, but he appears to still be very cheerful. Though never convicted, it is widely believed that the mousetrap belonged to Andy Sheppard Burgess, who was severely jealous of Gavin's football career.

Andrew Sheppard Burgess
We can all distinctly remember the night of the Grecians' Ball, when Andrew ripped off his mask during the headmaster's speeches and we all discovered he was really an android who was programmed to do evil wherever he went. This really wasn't much of a surprise. What was a surprise was his highly successful cricket career - and he hated every bloody minute of it. He owns a Ford Fiesta car.

Homan Mahmoudi
After perfecting the ability to instantaneously fall asleep at any given moment, Homan moved onto the cabaret circuit under the pseudonym "Eggy Poo". Now married with his fifteenth wife, Mrs Rowland-Jones-Mahmoudi, he has over 500 children, who all have some form of facial hair.

Jon Brown
After World War III, Jon Brown attempted a number of vocations. Most famously he spent 3 months working as a central tunnel support on the New Victoria Line. The real turning point came when he won robot wars and has since developed his own form of yoga for extra gangly people. He spent the la st fifteen years of his life in Japan searching for rare Pokemon, no-one having told him that it was only a computer game. This didn't deter him from his quest and he recently tracked down and caught a rather strange looking Pickachu in Texas.

Edward Pope
Though in Middleton B we always joked that World War II was all his fault, World War III really was! It was this reason that he was exciled from the country, forcing him to look for work in America. He appeared in the sequel to Forrest Gump and has brought a number of houses and hotels on Mayfair. Unfortunately he was soon told to not pass Go, not collect £200 and go directly to jail. It was there in Texas County Prison that he earned the respect of the gangster underworld though his Pickachu impersonation.

John Hill
After the operation he is now known as Jill and has fulfilled his dream. He wrestles professionally on the WMW (World Mud Wrestling) Circuit. He sleeps over 23 hours a day and has recently worked out how to use a can opener. Congratulations John Hill!

Peter Kuo
Not much is said about this mystery man, it was assumed that his time in Mid B had only been a figment of our imagination, but others say they have seen him in places as far as Tibet, Peru and Bristol. Though Edward Pope still maintains it was Peter who actually started World War III and not him, he has yet to prove it.

Zac Walsh
It wasn't a surprise when Zac announced he would devote his life to nature. His "I am a tree" prophesy in Middleton B, seems to have been fulfilled. He still finds time in the day to be able to watch television, though his continual addiction to the white stuff has forced him into rehab where he survives to this day.

Chris Fenning
After spending his CH career working up to fifteen jobs a day, by the time he left the place he had already amassed a wealth of over 15 trillion pounds. He retired the following year but was constantly pursued wherever he went by an evil looking Ford Fiesta car. He has been hit by the car over 200 times, yet he still lives to tell the tale.

"One, Two, Three. Middleton B". Indeed it was a simple rhyme, but in a way it says so much more than anyone ever could. Who would have thought that the ten small boys (and one rather large one) would grow up to become Eco-warriors, Androids or Tunnel Supports. But one special thank-you must go to a person who got us through Middleton B with his dry wit, careful counselling and sophisticated arguments. Yes many thanks to Jimmy Wu, though you thought we were 'crazy', we all loved you. And congratulations on becoming England's first Chinese Prime Minister.